


I Said The World

by acidjaguar



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Historical, Drug Abuse, Explicit Language, Homophobic Language, M/M, Memory Loss, Minor Character Death, Physical Abuse, Sexual Content, World War II
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-15
Updated: 2013-09-15
Packaged: 2017-12-26 16:40:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/968219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acidjaguar/pseuds/acidjaguar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the late spring of 1942, Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester by (not so random) chance at a talent show for the local high school that Dean's cousin participates in. As they journey through their next few years together, you are invited to read as they come across major obstacles that keep them from loving each other fully.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Said The World

_I get no kick from champagne_

_Mere alcohol doesn’t thrill me at all_

_So tell me why should it be true_

_That I get a kick out of you?_

* * *

_August 12, 1987_

_Dean._

_I know you’ll never read this – heck, you won’t even see this letter, but no matter of law or phobia can keep me from loving you. You were my starlight; you were my northern star, my ocean. You were the very reason I drowned and I know it’s been years since you’ve loved me, but I will never, ever stop loving you. I remember the days we were so young and I wanted to say your name always. I still do. Dean, Dean. Dean. Dean. Dean…_

_What’s in a name? Your name is absolutely beautiful, sir, and always will be, and although Dean is a common name, I still flinch whenever I hear it – I do even more so when I hear Winchester. You are so beautiful, Dean, so beautiful._

_I saw an orange poppy today and thought of you. It smelled like the summers we spent hiding in dark corners, skin upon skin, bone upon bone. It smelled like the winters we huddled together during the snowfall in Japan or in my home afore the fire when my mother watched us with her careful, wise eyes – making sure we didn’t get in trouble. It smelled the way I loved you – pushing and pulling, gently like the tide but passionately like the storm._

_And I’ll be damned when people say our love was wrong. We were young and naïve, even terrified, and none of this stopped me from being so passionate for you. I love you. I hope that when you hear our song you remember our stolen nights and cigars, but hope is just a fickle thing, isn’t it? It really does come and go in waves._

_Maybe one day you’ll remember. Perhaps you’ll recall the intensity of my love and sacrifice for you. Hopefully you’ll forgive my sister for calling us disgusting and spitting at us._

_Goddamn it, I’m so old now, Dean. I’m tired. I’m done with this matter of society and not having you beside me. It’s been forty goddamn years and I still miss you by my side. You were there for me in Japan, and in California, and god so help me if I don’t always feel I must repay you for that. You were so bad for me, Dean, and I was bad for you, but that’s the fun of being young, right? You don’t have a care in the world when you’re young._

_Maybe if my mother had gone to your cousin’s performance instead of me, things would be different. Have you ever thought about that? Of course you haven’t; who am I kidding? I’m just a worn out author with nothing to my name except a few bestselling novels and I know that should be good enough reason to live on normally. The thing is, Dean, it isn’t. Not when I still love you – the way your eyes would dance when you smiled, the way you would hold the bridge of your nose whenever you got frustrated, the way your hands danced over my body._

_The war was what tore us apart and brought us together. Yeah, as if that’s supposed to make any amount of sense to you, isn’t it? I’ve given up hope. It’s been forty damn years and I listen to crappy pop music on the radio that makes me think of you. All I have is a stupid dog and he doesn’t cuddle with me in bed like you did. I miss your arms, the way they brought comfort to my tears. It really shouldn’t have been so difficult to love you, you know._

_Rachel has apologized. I can tell she still thinks the same of our affair whenever it’s mentioned (which isn’t often, since she has different views than my mother and I) but she’s trying. She has a son and he’s so beautiful, Dean, he reminds me of you. He’s named after you, did you know? Of course, she wouldn’t ever admit that you were such a big influence in her life, but you really were. You were bad for all of us. Especially me._

_I wish you could remember me. But you don’t._

_And that in itself is a fate worse than death._

* * *

May 15, 1942

                Castiel Novak was an enigma.

                In all honesty, considering the circumstances, he shouldn’t have taken his first breath of air, but alas, it happened, and now he was here; trapped in his eighteen year old body, sweating from the heat that signaled the coming of summer. It even smelled like it outside – not as if he was counting or anything. It was simply exciting that he was about to graduate in a few days. He was finally going to be able to contribute to society, instead of simply sitting around the house, looking after his mother and younger sister.

                He had grown up modestly – sure, he was popular in school (it was difficult for him to miss the opportunity; he was a good looking young man with dark hair and a strong jaw), but he was kind and didn’t speak too much. Castiel knew his place, and he could be intimidating if need be, but in most situations he was all soft smiles and how-do-you-dos.

                So when his sister Rachel asked him to take her to the talent show her friend Emily was performing in, he couldn’t help but say yes.

                The auditorium that the event was to take place in wasn’t quite yet full when Castiel and Rachel had arrived that evening, but it still had quite a few people, and the siblings had to squeeze into a row that had two seats not quite taken yet. It was a bit tight, but comfortable.

                In school, Castiel had never had many girls he was interested in dating, or many girls he looked at in a different way than friends in general. Sure, he had found girls like Ruby and Meg pretty to look at, but the thought of considering them to be anything more than that made the boy feel uncomfortable. If he had to think about it, he had never found girls to be a certain area he was necessarily interested or devoted in. 

His friends in school had often teased him for it, but he would simply chuckle and shake his head. He wasn’t going to obsess over such things.

                Especially not when there was a boy staring at him.

                With sandy blonde hair, wide light eyes, and a face decorated with what seemed to be freckles, he was absolutely _beautiful_. The intake of air Castiel took when the boy smirked was too sharp to go unnoticed by anyone, and who else could notice except Rachel?

                He was expecting the look she would give him, but he dreaded it all the same.

                It was lucky of him that she wasn’t able to say anything more about it, however, because it was then that the show started.

                The talent show was a little long for his preferences, but Emily was a very talented singer, and he had to give her credit for that. The rest of the acts, however, he couldn’t necessarily speak for. After all, it was just a high school competition, nothing serious, and it was all for fun. Winning a medal for a high school talent show didn’t determine how successful you were, or what college you might get into, or what career you might choose. Not everybody could make success as an artist, really.

                And since the world needed more men and women to join various ways to help the military, Castiel had decided to skip out on the whole college deal and train to work with his mother in the air force. That would at least seal him out of the drafting deal for now.

                Standing outside in the hallway, he kept his hands behind his back, patiently waiting with Rachel for Emily and her cousin that neither of them had met. The two of them were surrounded by parents and siblings congratulating or consoling each respective participant of the contest, the yellow walled hallway filled with noise and people, yet still feeling empty.

                And, lo and behold, just to make Cas even more nervous, the impolite boy from before emerged with Emily, a hand on her back to guide her through the crowd towards the girl she pointed to – Rachel.

                His heart fluttered in his chest wildly, telling his brain to _look away_ _– look at the pretty girl with red curls on the opposite side of the room_. Oh, dear God, how he wished he could find her sexually attractive. It wasn’t his fault – it wasn’t anyone’s.

                He would later call it fate that this night had happened, but if he really knew what had gone on beforehand, it would be titled something else _entirely_.

                The look he received from the mysterious boy sent one message to him – that he knew what Castiel was and, quite possibly, that he was debating how to deal with this certain fact. Cas furrowed his dark eyebrows and squinted at him – he had no place in such matters as this; his personal private business. He had so often been misjudged and treated like everyone else. This was all he wanted. Even if it meant he wouldn’t get the things he wanted even more than simply that, it would mean he could get to live a comfortable life.

                And comfortable was better than unsafe and dangerous, wasn’t it?

                When the two strangers finally reached the siblings, Emily and Rachel immediately hugged, with the latter complimenting the former on her performance. A gaggle of giggles and gossip later, with Cas looking anywhere but the boy, Rachel turned to her brother.

                “Cassie, this is Emily and her cousin, Dean.”

                Dean.

                So _that_ was who held the green eyes and impolite smirks.

                He politely smiled and shook Emily’s hand, telling her how much of a good job she did on her performance, before turning to Dean and raising an eyebrow and nodding as a sort of greeting. He had never been one to say much, and this was no exception. If this boy didn’t know his name, it would be better than anything else.

                Dean had a wide grin on his face, obviously amused by something. When Castiel tilted his head, this emerged a response from the taller, quite apparently older, boy.

                “So. Cassie?”

                Castiel’s face flushed, he had _completely_ overlooked that Rachel had introduced him as such. “No,” he explained, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand, sticking the other in a pocket. “Castiel.”

                “Castiel,” the boy said, obviously rolling it over his tongue to get used to how it tasted. He smiled smaller now, and if Cas didn’t know any better, shyly. “Your family religious or something?” This sparked something inside of the younger boy and a slight frown appeared on his face.

                “I don’t like to talk about it.”

                His short response didn’t seem to shut up Dean, however, who kept on. “Alrighty, then. Touchy. Mind if I call you Cas?”

                This caused another head tilt from the dark haired boy. No one outside of his family had ever given him a _nickname_ , and even then, his mother and sister called him “Cassie”, which was fine at home, but now apparently embarrassing in public. The fact that Dean had dubbed him a nickname in such a short amount of time and had felt the need to ask him first made him feel special. He nodded in reply to Dean, who grinned again.

                And this time, he looked positively _animal_.

                “Awesome,” he said, rubbing his chin, “It’s just that… Castiel’s a bit of a mouthful, and I’m not that great with remembering names, so Cas is something easier to call you.”

                Cas blanched then – had Dean automatically gone under the assumption that they were now friends? Outside of his little social group, he had never really had _friends_ , just acquaintances, and no one had come up to him and assumed they were his friend before. He had interacted with the same people from kindergarten. Why should Dean be someone different? He nodded again, a little slower this time, attempting to process this new information.

                Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that he and Dean would never really be friends.

                Dean, who had seemed to read his thoughts, laughed; a harsh bark of a thing. “I need more friends in my life, man, and you seem cool, even though you don’t talk too much.” He trailed off, seemingly composing his thoughts. “Although… that might be a good thing for me.”

                Cas’ eyes widened slightly, trying not to be noticeable in the crowded hallway. To everyone else, he hoped they looked normal, even though he knew in his gut that they weren’t. This terrified him.

                “So, Cas,” he suddenly heard, jolting him from his thoughts, “Are you busy tomorrow? I mean, I work at a car shop until four, but after that do you want to do something? I’d love for someone to come to the bank with me.”

                Dean surprised him more and more each minute.

                “Sure,” he replied, his voice shaking slightly from nerves. He was _never_ this nervous – he was strong and independent, why did he now sound like a twelve year old girl?

                This engaged yet another grin from Dean. Damn, did this man ever stop smiling? “Awesome. See you tomorrow, Cas,” he said, winking as he left to gather his cousin as Rachel came over to Castiel, who stood in place, staring at where the strange man had been just a moment ago.

                Oh, he was _screwed_.

**Author's Note:**

> So this chapter isn't too bad as far as warnings go, but please make sure you've read the tags before continuing. This is a story that isn't for the weak hearted or those with sensitivities to these tags. If you'd like to hear the soundtrack, it's available here:
> 
> http://8tracks.com/castiel-sass/i-said-the-world
> 
> There may very well be fanart later as well.


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